A little over a year ago, after 18 years at the same place of work (but I wouldn’t call it work, it had become a second home, an extended family), I resigned. Due to what I call the “Covid effect” my work was in a state of constant change - the change fatigue was so thick and dense, I did not even realize how completely and totally exhausted I had become. So when yet another big change was going into effect, it was just too much, and I decided to choose my mental health over my work. I chose to leave without any clear next steps for myself. I left and had a mix of so. many. emotions: guilt, fear, anger, curiosity, excitement, nervousness, courage…
I asked myself what did I love doing and how can I do it on my own terms? I care deeply for the well-being of others. I especially could relate to the challenges as both an educator and a parent, of the heavy responsibility of caring for children - wanting to “get it right” while simultaneously struggling with all the very real and tough challenges that comes with this cosmic task. Throughout my journey as both a parent and educator, I am still making mistakes - it’s the truth of this work - caring for children is NOT easy! There is no such thing as “perfect” - I personally really dislike this word because I believe perfection is an illusion. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, perfect teacher, perfect anything - mistakes are how we grow and learn! We teach this to our children, but forget to allow this for ourselves in our own journeys with them. When we make mistakes with our children (if we yell, control, shame, guilt) we have to work through these mistakes with ourselves & with them. When we recognize our error, we take ownership by apologizing to our child and we commit to doing better. This is an essential part of our work with both children and with ourselves.
I am grateful for this new path I am forging this year, in this next chapter of my journey. Over this past year, I have taken time to reflect and learn from my past experiences. I have a better relationship with and awareness of my emotions. I am constantly learning to tune into them and accept them in a more healthy and productive way. I am much more accepting of what is and what can be. I am striving to be more patient, present, intentional, and grateful in my every day thoughts, actions, and experiences for myself, for others, and especially for children.