It’s really hard to rationalize with someone (child or adult) when emotions are running high! For children especially, because they are still building their impulse control, self-regulation, and coping strategies, it is especially hard to try and coach or problem solve in the moment if they are already having a tough time.

In such situations, when feelings are just “too big” - it’s best to help your child try and work through those feelings and find ways to cope and self-regulate so it doesn’t have to feel so overwhelming. Validating feelings is a great first step: “I understand that must have been frustrating when the Baby knocked over your blocks.” Helping them find a way to regulate would be a great next step: “Would you like a hug or a drink of water?” You can assess if your child is ready to have the conversation now or maybe wait a little bit for a more “neutral state” to be sure the heightened emotions have passed.

When your child is truly calm, then they can listen more clearly and make a plan more thoughtfully, with some guidance from a trusted adult…

“Earlier when the Baby knocked down your blocks, you were really upset - I understand how you were feeling AND I noticed those angry shouts really scared the Baby…I’m wondering if there might be a better way to handle that problem next time, if the Baby makes that mistake and you feel angry - do you think there’s a way to solve the problem that would not scare the Baby?”…

Hopefully some good ideas are generated such as “ask a grown up for help,” OR “tell the Baby to stop in a calmer tone” OR “give the Baby some blocks to play with too.” Your child may come up with some ideas on their own, or may need some help with other solutions! Once a new way to handle the problem has been agreed upon, role play and practice together!

It may seem silly but it really helps your child practice finding the right words in the heightened emotional moment if they’ve roll-played and feel confident they know what to say and how to say it next time they are in a similar situation!

Wishing You Well!